Pain...

It hurts so much... so much...

Expectations...

Why do people have expectations? Why do we need expectations? Why do we use expectations as a form of yardstick for one's performance in a certain aspect? Why is it important? Is it really important?

What would life be without expectations?

Soaking in books....

Soaked up "Fashion Babylon" by Imogen Edwards-Jones that Marky loaned me... and I finished up "The Glass Castle" by Jeanette Walls.

"Fashion Babylon" was rather light reading. It provided an insight to the fashion industry from a young and budding designer's point of view. In a way, it gave the readers a good feel of the complexity of the industry behind the scenes. And it was interesting... 'nuff said.

"The Glass Castle" on the other hand, had a more serious note to it. It was nonetheless, very delightful reading. Jeanette Walls' writing was simple, yet powerful. The book depicts a factual narration of her life, with her siblings and parents and I just couldn't bring myself to put the book down. All that I felt after reading her story, was admiration.

A must read!

Moving on to my next book, "The Touch" by Liu Hong.

A most meaningful weekend...

I had a most meaningful weekend in a long time. Under an initiative of the Yayasan foundation by Pak Kris Wiluan, my boss and I helped coordinated a charity project where a group of Singaporean doctors and nurses volunteered to provide free health check-ups for the under priviledged children in Batam. It was a project jointly done with Red-Cross Indonesia (PMI).

We arrived Batam on Friday afternoon, to have a final meeting and to ensure that logistics and arrangements are made. The 4 doctors and 3 nurses from Singapore (who requested to remain anonymous), together with a number of Indonedsian doctors and nurses, had a mission to provide healthy check-ups for a good 1760 kids from ONE kampong in Batam.

It was definitely not a small deal. I was personally involved in the works for Sat and parents & kids came and went. It was no joke that the doctors saw kids one after another non-stop. It turned out that the doctors couldn't even take the planned 1 hour lunch break, and they had to take turns to have lunch, or to run quickly to the toilets and back. The passion and drive that I saw in the volunteer doctors and nurses from Singapore for this project, touched me no end this weekend.

The role I played, was to run around outside, directing Ibus (mothers) and their anaks (kids) in my very broken Malay (which I picked up from my peranakan nanny 'Aunty Jane' long long time back) to proceed to the next available doctor's room to tengok doktor (see the doctor), or to the Apotek (Pharmacy) to collect their Obat (Medication).

Some of the kids were really so adorable but most of them have a problem of being malnutrition. The Singaporean doctors and nurses tried their best to source for packets of children milk and cereal from various vendors and suppliers but there was only so much that they could bring. And moreover, we budgeted for 1000 kids to come to this health screening, but little did we know that the numbers escalated to 1760 on the day before we were to start.

Although the project was to be over 2 days, Sat & Sun, I had to leave on late Sat as my boss had to come back to take a flight to Qatar. I regretted not being brave enough to say that I would like to stay there on my own (without my boss) as I had to tear myself away from what I was doing. I was really enjoying myself to a certain extent and as exhausting as it was, I could see the good cause in it. Finished up 3/4 of a day and I was physically exhausted. I couldn't imagine that the doctors and nurses have to go through these 2 full days of this exercise. I felt all admiration when I recall the zest when the doctors prompted me to bring in the next kid for them to examine once they were done with the one that they were seeing. It was thoroughly heartwarming in and out.

Perk: Pak Kris hosted us over at his Batam Turi Resort and old as it may be, it was a pretty nice place and I could see how nice and pretty it literally is when it was in its more glorious days.

Check out the photos below.....

Planning out the administrative flow of the registration, pre-screening (taking of height and weight) as well as triaging of the 1760 kids, before seeing the doctors...

The entrance of the medical centre which we used for this project...

The tentage that was built to carry out the phase 1 activities...

On the actual day, under the tentage where phase 1 is carried out...
Notice the huge tentage at the back? Many Many Many Ibus and Anaks were being entertained by people hired by Pak Kris, while waiting to be registered...

Rooms where the doctors were settling in to see the kids...

Our nice bedrooms in Turi Resort Batam...

Our nice beds with MOSQUITO NETTING hanging over it...

Bleah...

Been reading and reading and reading... Ain't too sure if reading is one of the ways which I try to fill up the emptiness within me or what... But... reading sure makes me feel more anti-social. Hardly make plans for lunch or dinners these days unless it's pretty impromptu. I think I need something new, something more, something enriching... =/

Anyway, finished "The Glass Palace". It's a historically and culturally enriching book and very very detailed. I would say that Amitav Ghosh is a little too detailed for my liking but that doesn't make him any lesser of a good author. There are some parts I really liked and some parts which I found draggy...

Anyway, I've since moved on to my next book (since it's been a week since I blogged). Am reading Haruki Murakami's "Sputnik Sweetheart".

To be frank, I wasn't too impressed with the writing when I first started. But 3/4 of the way into the book, I got really impressed with the versatile styles of writing that Murakami has. Sumire's (the main female character) diary entry was really 'rich'...

"In the world we live in, what we know and what we don't know are like Siamese twins, inseparable, existing in a state of confusion.

Confusion, confusion.

Who can really distinguish between the sea and what's reflected in it? Or tell the difference between the falling rain and loneliness?

Without any fuss, then, I gave up worrying about the difference between knowing and not knowing. That became my point of departures. A terrible place to start, perhaps - but people need a makeshift springboard, right? All of which goes to explain how I started seeing dualisms such as theme and style, object and subject, cause and effect, the joints of my hands and the rest of me, not as black-and-white pairs, but as indistinguishable one from the other. Everything had spilled on the kitchen floor - the salt, pepper, flour, starch. All mixed into one fine blob."- Sumire

Another part of the novel that I liked - in the capacity of the main male character, K:

"She was far, far away. And most likely that was the future in a nutshell, Sumire growing ever more distant. It made me sad. I felt like I was some meaningless bug clinging for no special reason to a high stone wall on a windy night, with no plans, no beliefs." - K

Gonna finish this up real soon and alternate my next read with something light hearted? Trashy? - Like... 'FASHION BABYLON'... Hahaha.. thanks to Mark who bought it as one of the 3 for the price of 2 books at Borderrrrrrs.... lol... ________________________________________________________
P.S. Read this other part of the book during lunch, on my train ride... It's again part of Sumire's diary entry... I like...

"A question.

So what are people supposd to do if they want to avoid a collision (thud!) but still lie in the field, enjoying the clouds drifting by, listening to the grass grow - not thinking, in other words? Sounds hard? Not at all. Logically, it's easy. C'est simple. The answer is dreams. Dreaming on and on. Entering the world of dreams, and never coming out. Living in dreams for the rest of the time.

In dreams you don't need to make any distinctions between things. Not at all. Boundaries don't exist. So in dreams there are hardly ever collisions. Even if there are, they don't hurt. Reality is different. Reality bites.

Reality, reality." - Sumire ________________________________________________________

P.P.S. King & I was quite disappointing... Borne Ultimatum was good and Ratatouille was cute.. =)

Reclus-ing......

Got the picture from one of Mandy's photos from all her trips. This one came from her Europe Adventure from Pareeeeee... (Paris)...

Somehow the picture calls out to me. It kinda reminds me of how I've been feeling lately... heh....

I feel like a recluse!

Having said that, that's not to mean that I haven't been socialising or have been living like an island. I mean that somehow I'm more reflective lately and introspective. BUT I do think that I have a tendency to get that way when I immerse myself in books... (Not the trashy kind).

I have to admit that lately, there are moments when I feel that life's less meaningful. Sure seems like I lack passion in so many aspects of my life, for anything. Hits me right at home that the passion that fills one up, is usually the driving force behind many things... people, career, love and life...

Yet, when asked on how to get that passion back in me, I find it hard to provide an answer. Sigh... Is this one of the crisis in my life that many others often talk about? You know... quater-life crisis... mid-life crisis... Since when is life not a crisis??

Anyway, on a brighter note... a good friend of mine just got HITCHED (attached... not married...) and I'm terribly excited for her! =)

Thoughts...

This morning somehow turned out to be a rather thought provoking one. I supposed it started with my usual morning session of reading the book-of-the-day in my train-ride to work.

While "One for my baby" has proven to be a slow read, it's a rather enjoyable one. 1/3 way into the book and I find that Tony Parsons is pretty good with insights. His provision of them adds alot of weight and intimacy to his characters.


"Listening to Sinatra makes me feel as though I am not the only person in the universe who ever woke up to find themselves in some place that they never imagined. Listening to Sinatra makes me feel that I am no so alone. Listening to Sinatra makes me feel more human..........
I need this music the way normal men need food and football. Sinatra seems to point a way forward, to encourage me to get on with my life. When Sinatra sings of love dissolving, there is always the consolation of love to come. Love is like a bus in these songs. There's always another one along in a minute." - Alfie Budd in "One for my baby".

In the story, Alfie lost his wife in a scuba diving freak accident. His dad left his mum for another woman who was young enough to be his daughter. It brings across the message that life's never predictable and there's only so much that can be pre-empted or anticipated.

Translating this thought to real life, looking at what's been coming up on the news everyday, I can't help but ask if there's a point for forward planning. To look beyond the now and look into the future. I can't help but wonder what will possible happen to me, to us, in this age of uncertainty and possibilities.

Korean hostages and terrorism situations, natural disasters like the Peru Earthquakes and heatwaves, accidents like the Malaysia bus high-way incident, outbreaks of diseases and viruses and even once too often news of scams in China of which has negative health implications (from cardboard buns to toxic toothpaste to toys with lead paint that may be harmful if ingested by kids accidentally - Am thinking that China might be persecuted with news of such one after another cuz of the upcoming Beijing Olympics. Also, the cardboard-buns scandal have supposedly been discovered to be a SCAM. But what if it's a governmental effort to SCAM the SCAM? Lol.. just a thought...)

But I supposed being the earth-rooted me, the question that's always in the back of my mind is the "WHAT IF?" It's always the contingency plan that matters... that makes a difference.

It also hit me this morning for some reason or other that it's not such a bad thing having kids. That is if your kids are born healthy and fine. Kids can actually be viewed as an investment. There are risks for sure... just like any other investment - you never know what kinda person your kid might turn out to be... But you are investing in them for a lifetime of companionship... It's a high chance for them to be around until the day that you die... if you go by the law of age...

Oh well... so much thoughts for a Friday morning... if only I can get back to bed on this drab, dreary, rainy morning... sigh...