Pensive...

Woke up feeling so tired today! Feel like my eyes are blurry from the lack of sleep and I can't help but chide myself on why I do such things so!

At the same time, I did not feel like I was in the mood for work. After I settled some of the more urgent stuff, I started reading the blogs of some of the others.

Reading blogs brings a familiar sense of the motivation behind reading story books. I feel like I'm being transported into someone else's life. A strong vicarious sense of living the lives that the others lead. Lends inspirations to aspirations and dreams. However, more often than not, reality hits once the story ends and I feel like I back where I started, with a deep sense of struggle.

As the Chinese saying goes, "Tong ren bu tong ming." ---> If our lives are really determined by the elements and stars of our birth time, then I can only pray that may the elements and stars be at the right time and place in the next couple stages of my life.

I need the flame to grow into a stronger fire... I feel so tired...

GSS nightmare... GSS Fatigue... whatever you may call it...

The last few weeks have been a nightmare, especially the last 2 weeks.

I have been going around telling my closer peers that I'll never ever view GSS in the same light again. It's a very very tedious process, not only for myself, but my colleagues and team members as well. Yet however, day by day, we go through the processes and clear one thing at a time albeit pushing back deadlines again and again and just having to manage it as best as we can.

Opened up facebook today and my astrology read -

" Zen, This is a time of testing your limits to see how far you can go. Things you put into motion last week will come to fruition today. It may not be the result you expected, but you should find it acceptable. Learn from the past instead of longing for it."


It's funny how they say that Horoscopes are phrased in as broad a sense as it can be, but more than once, things always hit a nail with me. As we sent my mailer FA for production, a sense of relief overcame even though it wasn't the most perfect - Yes, we still spotted mistakes but it was just too late to amend due to production dead dead dead deadline... PLUS the mistakes are pretty minor... on top of that, I cleared two press Ads for print too.... that's like ONE FIFTH of the job done... *faintz*

As much as I had pressured and pushed my agency to complete my jobs and give in to our whims and demands (which on our end are often driven by tenants), I feel really bad deep down inside because I know how and what it feels like to be on the other end... And this is how the tides change for me... lol...

I can't wait for this to be OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

State of my life...

It's often said that the state of my Blog reflects the state of my life in an adverse manner... And the silence in this little tucked away corner of cyber space says it all...

Since the LNY, I've been rather busy coping with the changes in my career and managing the pace of it picking up... There are good times, and there are bad... There are times when I feel like everything is spiraling out of my control and I would often visualize in my mind's eye how to reach out and make sure that everything stays within my living sphere...

Played a part in Daph's wedding over the weekend. I guess I really let my hair down and had crazy fun in silly little senseless ways... It felt like I was 18 again... going nuts with Raymond's camera, posing as if I'm a pro... It helps that the company was good fun... people like lian, angie, the guys... 2 whole days of partying it felt...

I can't wait to see the pixs! Will upload it when I get them! =)

BANGKOK....!!!

Can't stop thinking about my impending Bangkok trip!!!

Where to go to:

1) Shop - SHOP SHOP SHOP! I'm so itching for my next shopping spree... trying so hard to contain my spree urges! Bags, shoes, clothes, accessories!!!

2) Eat - Seafood, Thai food, Cheap Jap food, Chinese food! Bird's nest, Tom Yum... Can't stop thinking about it! Hrrm... Put on weight already... so in a bid to control yet enjoy myself there, I shall take 5 small meals of anything I might wanna eat in a day! BWahahahahahaha.....

3) SPA / Massage - CHEAP massage! Those like 1 hr for like 200 - 300 baht kind! SHIOK!

4) Tailoring - Clothes that fit or to copy some designs which I already have and like loads.... Pants especially....


I JUST CAN'T WAIT!!!! =)

Random thoughts...

Been a while since I felt like I wanna pen down my random thoughts... Just so many things floating around in my head (plus the fact that I'm pretty free in office these days while serving my notice period)...

1. Was at borders yesterday when a Jamie Oliver cook book caught my attention... Was browsing through it when I suddenly got the inspiration to wanna learn how to cook!!! And since my nice little cousins gave me a generous book voucher for my birthday last year, I have decided to use the book voucher for the book! =) (XY in case you're reading this... Haha...) Will definitely try out some of the dishes!

2. Have been reading up online for information and stuff for my trip to BKK end of this month. Been there twice so far in the last few years... and this would be my 3rd trip up. Looking forward to loads of shopping, massage and good, cheap food... i.e. Bird's nest etc... Have booked my tickets via Air Asia and will be staying in Centrepoint Service Apartment Petchburi... Have had good reviews about the apartment... So looking forward to it already!

3. My trip to BKK is not yet over, but I'm already thinking about future, longer trips! It's partly inspiration from Mandy who just came back from Israel. She seemed to have had loads of fun there and it's not only a leisure tour, but was also educational from a historical and a biblical standpoint... I so wanna travel so that I can further 'widen my horizons' as the common saying goes.... Just listing down some of the places that I wanna visit:

i) Korea (a promise made to my mum since 2007!)

ii) Europe - Esp. Italy, Rome, Barcelona, Portugal, Holland, Switzerland

iii) England - Esp. London

iv) U.S. - Esp. New York, California, Hawaii

And many others (Japan, China (esp. Shanghai now that I can get free acomm!) etc) just that these happen to be of more priority for now... I can't wait!

4. Been reading all these articles about rape / molest / sexual harrassment these days. So many stories of how it always begins with someone within the household, usually a step father or sibling... In retrospect, I can better appreciate my mum's reluctance to let me stay over at my friends' place when I was younger. Whenever I argue and insist that my friends can be trusted, she always reminds me that it's not me or my friends whom she doesn't trust. But rather it's their fathers / brothers / uncles who may be within the same household that she doesn't trust. Wise words those were....

I'm so sleeeeeeeeeeepy now... suffering from the full force effect of the after lunch syndrome.... BBS... *Be Back Soon... *

New Year, new opportunities...

It's been said that it's been a while since I last blogged...

Many things have happened since I last blogged too....

1. I went for lasik... Vision's satisfactory though not perfect on my left. However, I'm loving the convenience of it all and somehow, being without glasses makes me feel less inhibited outwardly. It sure feels like I've been hiding behind a facade all the years that I wore glasses... Weird but it's sure how I felt to a certain extent...

2. Emotionally, I've been on roller coaster ride. Until very recently things have cleared up alot and I've got one special person to thank. It's not easy (understatement) but I appreciate all that he is trying to do...

3. My birthday, Christmas and New Year came and went. The festive season wasn't particularly eventful, but I've been blessed with many close friends and family, loved ones, whose little efforts here and there made a world of difference to me this year. The gatherings, the meet-ups and the time spent together... I felt the balance of the negative and the positive... the balance of the yin & the yang...

4. There's a new beginning again for me... I sure hope (to my utmost effort), that I'm there to stay... for a period that's longer than those I've been through in my various stints the last few years... I'm gonna be positive about it... and hang tough. The economy's not going to be very stable in the couple of years to come I would say, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed, and moving on ahead positively, with caution... =s ---> The usual me who's so deeply entrenched and rooted in reality... =)

5. After spending only on others in December... I finally went berserk and went on a spree this month!!!!!!!!!!! It's kinda disgusting... but it also reflects in a way how the clouds have lifted to a certain extend and I am back to looking at more frivolous stuff! =P (Women will be women... don't you agree? )

List of things I've INDULGED & bought for myself since December:
- Blue eye shadow
- x3 different types of mascara
- x3 pairs of patent shoes!!!!!!! (note the !!!!!!!!!!... for some weird reason, I'm so into patent shoes now!!)
- x2 bags
- x1 belly jewel
- x2 Botls of nail polish
- x5 dresses (Casuals and for work too... For CNY too laaa.....)
- x2 tops (1 prim and proper working top and 1 tube)
- x1 skirt
- x2 suits (1 in dark brown, and 1 in black)
- x1 sleepwear
- x2 pairs of earrings
- Some personal items...

However, I would like to insist that all my buys are reasonably priced and therefore, everything came under $700. I would LOVE to say that splurges and sprees like this happens effectively ONCE a year for me... usually at year end or beginning of the year... And I would say the same for this year... Just that I've lined up a BKK trip during end Jan.... (not that I don't shop any other time, just NEVER so many items in a month!!!)

Arghhh.... Lol Lol... Control mode on!!! =) But that doesn't mean I'm going to restrict myself that much in BKK.... afterall, I'm already flying all the way there! =)

Can't wait to check out Platinum and the usual places... Heard from Grace that one can surely dig out some good buys...

On another note, stopped reading for a while after I did my lasik so as not to strain my eyes... However, I have got 5 books lined up waiting for me to consume at home! Arhhh..... Shall start soon! =)