Are we all cleaners?

Things getting real demoralising over here... Can't help feeling like I'm some cleaner, responsible for cleaning up all the shit that rolls down the hill, in my way. I can't help feeling that unless you are right at the top notch of hierarchy, everyone's cleaning up every other person's crap, shit, whatever you wanna call it. In my job, it sure feels like I'm doing things that are so unimportant, and that others have a bigger and more significant role in the big picture.

Yeah, it's true that a single cell (though single, though seemingly insignificant) is the basis of all living organism but I just can't do this much longer. I have concluded that my job is a hazard to my overall personal well-being. It's a hazard to:

1. My personal development--I don't feel I'm developing very much in anyway... skills, knowledge, character... in this position that I am in. This company's not a very people developer, unlikes my previous company...

2. My potential in the company-- With my current job scope, I don't see any potential corporate ladder that I might possibly climb in time to come

3. My personal ego-- I don't get a sense of fulfillment and I feel unappreciated. Not only that, I feel that I have a higher market value out there, doing something which I might enjoy better and getting a higher pay at the same time.

4. My health-- Staring into the screen the whole day long for at least 6 hours a day, is worsening my eyesight. My eyes feel more tired, strained and my dry eye syndrome is worsening...

5. My financial health-- My pay's crap... am not saying that I'm underpaid but it's just crap even if what I'm doing is only worth that much... And what's more, for what I'm doing, I can dare say, they can hire an intern and pay her/him $500 a month and get the exact same thing done. So why waste the company's money and at the same time, am NOT maximising my own potential right?

6. My emotional/ psychological state-- All the reasons mentioned above have at times made me doubt my own abilities, and have brought me emotional lows...

So CONCLUSION: This job is simply not worth it. As it is, I have already signed up with Asiaone career to look out for 'greener pastures'... This company can have it's cheaper labour somehow (I don't care how) after I leave and hopefully something better comes along for me... *keeping my fingers crossed*

Cccccccchhrrrrriiissssssssssssssssss.....

Tmas is coming! Yay! My favourite season of the year...

Yeah yeah, I've heard how people say that I'm crazy cause it's 2 months away... but so WHAT? I love the whether, I love the mood that we're getting into, I love the bright lights and the decor in shopping malls, shops etc! And I don't even need SNOW to feel christmassy! Hehehe...

Ok... forgive me if I sound insane... just that I've been waiting... and is still waiting for my colleagues to attend our very own magazine launch party at Good Wood Park hotel... Well, it ain't exactly a new magazine, just our old CNETAsia Week went under some revamp and now owns a classier, sassier look... Hehe... and we've got a new editor who took over that too... So I suppose it's only right that we have a debutante ball for it. Which explains why I'm here too... to pass some time... and cause I feel terribly bad that I've neglected this blog...

Anyway, something's terribly wrong with my desktop at home. I cannot log on to the Internet. When I called up SingNet, they tried to help me detect the problem by checking if my line's alright. After verifying that, they said they can't detect my modem... and that's about it.... Now I don't know what to do. The only other thing I can do is that I've upgraded my 256Kbps connection to a 512 one, and it comes with a free wireless modem and free installation. So will leave it to the installation guy to do the troubleshooting! heh...

Oh well, my system's really screwed up... Sigh... I need a new COMP!!!!

Life's such a breeze...

Hrm.. it's been a long time since I last blogged AGAIN... Hhehe

Kian Ming was just saying that it's an inversely proportionate model for my blogging habit.. my activity on my blog Vs. activity in my life... The more I blog = no life... The lesser I blog = vibrant social life... Hhaha... In a way I suppose it's true...

I wouldn't say that I've been really busy though. It's just little things that take up time. Like watching movies with friends (1. 2047--Crappy show... I can't seem to appreciate movies like this... call me shallow... oh well... 2. Sky Captain...--Interesting lar... comic concept... Hehehe... 3. Vanity Fair -- Got me the most interested. I supposed it's the literary side of me that's being pulled to a movie such as this. In almost the same leagues as Far from the Madding Crowd, Little Women or Shakespeare in Love... Okies, nevermind.. so much for me being literary.. Hehee)

But anyway because of the movie, I gave up reading this book on the American soldiers in WWII called "Ghosts of Bataan" (cuz it's just simply too slow for my liking...) and have started reading "Vanity Fair" the Book, by William Makepeace Thackeray. I started by reading it online, cuz I found a site that hosted the entire story... but later found it too straining on the eyes. And also because while I was waiting in Citylink mall, I ventured into MPH to find that the book cost only SGD$4.90. I know it'll be cheaper else where but oh wat the hell... only the cost of a Mac Donald's value meal... Cheaper in fact.. Perhaps a Happy meal... But anyway, picked it up and bought it.

Apart from that, just the usual hanging out, meeting up with a couple of friends. Oh something interesting did happen though. For the first time in my life, I actually saw Gerald DRUNK... okies... it's not an uncommon sight to see drunks on weekend nights but so happens that I was WITH Gerald with some other friends when he's the only one drunk, and the rest of us sober. It was just interesting cause it's was the first time I'm seeing him drunk... And not to mention that because of him, we probably won't be going back to NYDC Holland Village for quite awhile. He actually puked into the common sink outside the toilet and into the toilet bowl for a couple of times.. and we had to see NYDC activating a few of the waitresses to clean it up when he came out.. and it did not happen only ONCE... Hehe.. Oh well...

Then went to this place in Chijmes on Saturday. This little pub-like place called OCHO... maybe it's considered a pub...oh who cares... haven't been there before though I'm pretty sure it's been around for a while. Plus factor: They had live music there... Hehe.. I'm as contented as a little baby sucking her thumb quietly while lying in the baby cot, whenever I'm at a place with live music. Unless it's really sucky.. then I wouldn't be there in the first place.. Heh...

Have been thinking recently that I should go touch up on my tattoo... it's getting a little blurry... not that anyone can see it... but might as well since I have not gone for any since the first time I did it... Like the edges sharp and clear... hehe... I think it's partly cause of the weather too. Weather like this, reminds me of Christmas... time for doing things that you simply don't do at other times of the year... Like what you ask? I don't really know... Like touching up of tattoos.. I think I got my tattoo sometime around this time of the year years ago too... Heheh...

Sigh... I need a more fulfilling job... Life's a breeze now that I have no mood to blog other than talking about non-economical things like establishing closer ties with friends by meeting up and chilling out... NOT that it's NOT important.. It's important... But a more fulfilling job might make me happier... and also more stressed... so that I got more grouches to talk about when I blog... Okies... Irony.... Nevermind... See what I MEAN!?

A surprise...

Had a wonderfully nice surprise yesterday... Daph actually asked if she could go to Church with me this weekend... That came out of the blue, took me by surprise and made me feel kind of happy! *beams*

Hehe... oh well, they always say He works through other people. Maybe the conversation I had with Daph about religion awoke something in her... I don't know but as for me, I think He, through Daph, is trying to get me to back to church... Haven't gone for a couple of months. Felt like I needed sometime to myself... but perhaps it's about time...

There such a thing as Sabbatical. That's when the religious go on long breaks (away from church) on a retreat. Usually they come back more knowlegeable, more refreshed and more enlighten... (At least that's what karen told me) Haha... Maybe that was what happened for me... But more enlightened? Hrrrmmmm.................

Oh well, decided to bring Daph for a 6pm mass on Saturday. Keeping fingers crossed that nothing crops up... and praying really hard that the mass will speak to her and comfort her... :)

Weddings, weddings, weddings...

Haha, I just don't understand what's with girls at 25 /26. It seems as if everyone's in a rush to get married. Of course I have friends who feel other wise but man... I've attended 6 weddings already this year, and there's 3 more to go. Not only that, I've been invited to 3 weddings next year ALREADY. Haha...

The funny thing is that amongst these weddings that I'm attending, some of the grooms are my friends, not the brides, BUT their brides are around my age... Hrrm....

Anyway, over the weekend, a VERY VERY good friend of mine told me that she too, has decided to get married NEXT DECEMBER. I kind of expected it because that was the intention when she got together with this guy. When she told me the news, I was so happy for her. Cuz she told me over the Internet via an instant messenger, I couldn't stop grinning in front of my monitor. I think my colleagues must have thought me bonkers.... Anyway, she told me that I'm the first she told amongst all our clique of friends because she wants to 'chope' me (i.e. book me) at an earlier date so that I can do up her church decor for her... Hah!

I LOVE IT! However, to be honest, don't really have much experience with CHURCH decor. So looks like I got to go do some research and collecting of decor concepts... heheh.. Woo Hoo... Nice!

Anyway, I've decided to start up a portfolio of 'wedding' projects that I embark on, for my family or friends. Hehehe... So will be trying to collect pictures of things that I've done for my own reference... Hehe... So fun!!

Hrmm... what shall I title this entry?

No idea.. nevermind... Just felt like writing an entry out of the blue because I was reading this blog of a call-girl in U.K... really interesting... and was suddenly inspired to add an entry...

NOT that my entry has anything to do with what call girls do... but it has everything to do with what I do... Heheh.. ME, MYSELF and I...

Met Dannie for lunch today... Hehhe... was pretty good.. Been a while since I caught up with him... now that he's so caught up with his beloved wife-to-be... eheheh... and then met Dennis for dinner... went for a SEAFOOD buffet dinner... ate till I could eat no more.... and I realised something in common with the two appointments. Apart from the fact that the two guys I had my meals with today have names starting with 'D', I was griping about my job to the both of them...

Just shows how preoccupied I am, subconciously or not, about my job... Just crappy... (There I go again... )

But oh well, haven't met Dennis for EONS! Treated him to dinner in the end... burnt a little hole in my pocket but hey, it's a long time old friend... but it's funny how although we may not meet very often (like once or twice a year), I feel very comfortable talking to him about stuff... Maybe cuz we've known each other for so long... He was even telling me about how this girl who's working in the same hotel as him tried to 'tempt' him into having 'coffee' in her house, after a clubbing session... with Barry White playing in the background, and she in her birthday suit... Oh well, things we talk about... Anyway, apparently what happened to him is rather common in the hotel industry... cuz that didn't happen only once? But can't help it... He's got too much style... Hahaha....

Also, talked to a couple of people online today... and I've come to realise how each and everyone of us really and truely have our own struggles in different aspects of our lives, in our own ways... But struggles nonetheless. And I remember telling one of them, that what pulled me through all the mountains, valleys and makes sure that I don't fall over cliffs, was the fact that I believe that HE has a plan for us all and things will happen in HIS time. I guess some people might say that it's an easy way out for me, but it's what that gives me strength... and as long as it works for me, who cares what others might have to say? :)

Shit rolls down the hill?

And don't tell me everything roll down the hill... Just not true...

My career has just taken a turning again...down the hill... Just 10 months ago, I thought that everything looked rather positive... Oh well, I don't know if it's just me, or my luck, or the company...

Due to manpower shortage, I've been 'reduced' to taking over the job scope of interns... which is yes, a crucial part of editorial, but really brainless and manual. I'm responsible for uploading the bulk of stories that goes onto the Web, which includes some minor editing... and because I've taken over all the uploading works, I've lesser opportunities to write articles and to attend events.

Feel so cheated... Not only have I not developed very much of my writing skills in this place, now I'm back to doing brainless stuff... Argh... That makes me wonder why did I get out of Pru in the first place. Sigh... It's such a lousy deal here now. I'm getting 1/2 of what I got in Pru (salary wise), 3x the number of hours I spent (per week) working when I was in Pru and 4x the amount of workload. Feels so much like being a high-class factory operator who's churning out stuff. God help me please... Sigh...

It got worse when I heard that they might be hiring another journalist next year to tide over the man power shortage. Where do I go from here?

Where do my dreams go? Which direction are they heading? I dun even know what they are now... :(